Sunday, September 23, 2018

ok not to be OK

We get it. Summer is officially over and the realisation of the cold winter nights ahead (along with the overpriced heating bill) isn't exactly pleasing. Life is taking everyone on their own journeys and time seems to be moving very quickly. I just don't know how well I'm keeping up with it...  

I'm the first person to admit that I don't often express how I'm honestly feeling on social media. I often hide the truth with an old picture and sassy caption, acting like everything is ok when it isn't. I definitely put a lot of pressure on myself to keep up my social appearance but everyone has a private life and sometimes it's hard to cope. 

I phone-call my mum (who I am so grateful for) at least once every 2 weeks contemplating what I'm doing with my life and where this is all going. I often feel lost: living in London, self employed and battling for myself. Don't get me wrong, I am still so grateful for every amazing job I've had but sometimes that's hard to maintain. It is overwhelming when there's so much more I want to achieve but I am the only one who can make it happen. 

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place."

Over the past couple of weeks, I have watched people close to me suffer. I have found this particularly hard to deal with. I live away from all my family and sometimes I can't just click my fingers and be there when I need to. My chosen career/ life is particularly self centred so I've started to do more for others and I feel so much better already.   

I don't want this post to be perceived negatively- more of an honest truth and an opening to the bits you don't see on Instagram. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted just after writing this. Everyone is dealing with their own issues and I'll be their to support anyone who needs it. That's enough from me for now. Time for a cup of tea and an anxious wait for the final episode of Bodyguard. We got this. 


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